If we do not have family dinners, Samantha will do drugs!

This is what I always joke to Jessie, but honestly, I have a reason for saying it. Family meals are vital to family closeness. When families eat together, it is proven that they eat healthier, talk more, and have more meaningful conversations, as well as closer relationships. To this day I remember having family meals when I was small, and I truly believe that did a lot for me in my formative years. (However, it is never too late to start.)

From time to time I do research on random topics, and tonight I chose the topic of family dinners. I was appalled to say the very least on what I found tonight!

Statistics show that the average parent spends 40 minutes a day playing with their child? 40 minutes? Playing with your child? To me, that is mildly disturbing. I know that parents want to spend lots of time with their children, so what is taking the National average down so low? Is it just the way that our World is today? All the running here and there and getting things done. Why only 40 minutes? When most of us spend more than an hour a day on the Internet or reading a book?

Here are some ways that I Love to play with Samantha and also involve her in housework:

1. Board Games

2. Coloring/Drawing Together

3. Going Places-The Library, Playgrounds/Parks, Museums, or Volunteering Together

4. Playing Outside, Tending the Garden, Going For a Walk Together

5. Allowing her to assist me with Cooking, Baking, Decorating, or even Cleaning

6. When going on errands, letting her help to scan or bag items, maybe throw in some math in there, talk about all the foods we are going to make that week or month. Letting her put the debit card in the ATM or start the car.

7. Bed Time-Playing Toys in the Bath, Reading Before Bed, Drawing on the Marker Board, Talking, Praying, Singing

8. Even just watching her play, letting her know she has my full attention.

9. What makes my daughter the happiest is when she hears me say YES to something I might otherwise say NO too if we were in a hurry. "YES, we can skip down the sidewalk or hop over the cracks!" "YES, we can go look at the fish in WalMart." "YES, you can help me make this Lemonade or Laundry Detergent."

and

10. FAMILY DINNER!


I have found if we take the day slow, there are so many opportunities for her to join in even while getting things done. And those are the things that Samantha will hold on to and remember.

The second thing I found discouraging is that the average family also only spends 12 minutes per day having a meaningful conversation with their children. There are so many meaningful things to talk about! Why only 12 minutes? Does it go back to the busyness of everyday life?

Everybody has a different definition of meaningful talk, but to me, meaningful talk means beyond the "what I did today" conversation. (However, that is also important to stay connected and know what is going on in their lives. My daughter has not made it to the age where we are away from each other for long periods of time. She will be 5 this month, but she is homeschooled, so she is with me all day. However, I love to hear her tell her Daddy about her take on our day. As she grows older, I know she will be spending more and more time in groups and with her friends, and as we go our separate ways and don't talk, we will begin to drift further and further away from each other.)

Here are some ways that I have found to have a meaningful conversation: 

1. Spiritual Growth-Discussing a part of the Bible or a devotional read that day. Maybe something that happened in a small group at church. A breakthrough after a sermon.

2. Current Events-It is neat to keep up with current events, something to talk about over dinner. I don't mean anything political necessary. In fact that sort of stuff bothers me, so we generally discuss something that interests all three of us, technology.

3. Ideas/Opinions-Sharing ideas or opinion on current events, things seen throughout the day, the future, etc. 

4. Shared Knowledge/Stories-Sharing knowledge on things such as different cultures, history, art, science topics, recently read books, anything really.

5. Also, if it helps at first, purchasing a pack of Dinner Conversation Card Topics would be a great start! Here is something that might be on a card for older children:

Questions for discussion:
* How do solar panels save energy?
* Would you consider using solar panels for your home?
* What are some ways you can conserve energy around the house?

I would like to end on a positive note to encourage families who don't already eat frequent family dinners together to do so, and here is why. Studies show that:

• The entire family structure is healthier overall and children feel much closer to their parents. 
• 
  
• Teens are less likely to engage in rebellious behaviors such as drugs, drinking, smoking, and sexual activity. 
•  
• Kids and teens also seem to have fewer emotional or behavioral problems. 
•  
• Kids who eat dinners with their parents maintain a healthier weight.
•  
• The entire family practices healthier eating habits.
• 
  
• Everybody has the chance to engage in meaningful, uninterrupted conversation.

*Note: Family dinner outcomes are more effective when the TV and other electronics are off or on silent. Family dinner for us means sitting down to a made table, with a healthy, homemade meal, and eating/talking for at least 45 minutes-1 hour.

*Last Note: Our family does a lot of running at nights between extra curriculars, Bible Studies, etc. at least 2 nights a week. So to offset the time needed to cook after getting back from whatever activity, crockpot meals are the answer for us. Chili, Stews, Soups, Lasagna. There are so many possibilities. It saves money and is much healthier. It also allows us to gather back around the table and chat about the day after a busy night.
 Sources:

This is a good site that tells how to connect at mealtime, before, during, and after:

http://www.aboutourkids.org/articles/family_meals_matter%E2%80%94staying_connected

http://thefamilydinnerbook.com/

http://www.today.com/moms/back-basics-why-family-dinners-matter-8C11037673