Quit Being A Bitch.

At the store, again today, I went about my normal business. Getting groceries, letting Sam help with the list and with the self check out. She is learning about nutrition and how to scan barcodes, and getting really good at using the debit card. She even knows my pin!

I had to go up front to the lady over the self check out, and She said something to me that really got me thinking. She said, "Thank you for being so patient with your daughter. Too many parents walk through these lines and reluctantly let their children help then yell at them when they don't go fast enough."

I had never really thought about it. That is just the sort of lifestyle we live, somewhat slow paced. Some days are more rushed, getting from point A to point B, but never so rushed that I don't have the time to cruise down the freeway doing 55 in the slow lane and playing the Guess Animal Game with Sam.

Now I am thanking God that Jessie and I both learned while Sam was still young, that children are a gift from that God wants us to enjoy life with.

I'm not saying things are always easy. I have yelled at Sam, but that sort of stuff is virtually non existent in our house now because of one little sentence I read a long time ago
 I use it as my rule of thumb. I will share it with you, but it will probably be the one and only time you will hear or see me cuss. Here it is: "Quit being a Bitch." That's right.just stop it. If you can't be mature and act in the Godly way you want to train your child to act, then don't even worry about it. You might stop the mess they are making or make them walk inside faster, but you will do more permanent damage than momentary "good." 

The lady in the article I read was saying that one day her daughter was pouring milk by herself. First glass ever, and she wanted to show Mommy! So she did. And she said as her daughter poured the milk, she spilled milk over the sides, so she went and got a towel, started wiping it up as her daughter poured. Then when she spilled more, she yelled at her to start being more careful. "How careless! Just stop! I'll do it! Let me-" then she stopped and thought, "Quit being a Bitch. Your daughter just got her own glass and poured her first cup of milk, and you are yelling about spilled milk?" By this time her daughter was crying. Something so exciting had turned into tears. And she said from then on, she would always stop and think that one sentence before she started yelling. 

It has been a long time since I read that article, but it has been life changing for me. I think twice before I speak now. I think, "How is Samantha feeling right now?" She was washing pots and pans earlier this week. Of course she spent twice as long rinsing them as I would have liked. I was tired. I just wanted to dry them so I could sit down. I mean, good gracious, it's a pot. Why would you want to spend any longer rinsing it than you had to? Then I thought, "It isn't just a pot to her. It's a REAL pot. A GROWN UP pot. She probably never wants this to end." My patience instant rose because now I understood her. I kept my big mouth shut, and she finished shortly after that. There was no yelling or her saying, "You hate me!" Nope. We gave hugs and kisses after that. I reminded her of what a good job she did, and we went on to have a wonderful night. If I had opened my big mouth, the rest of the night might have been ruined over an extra 60 seconds spent rinsing a pan. So there it is, folks. This is my " magical power." This is what gives me patience. I even use it with my Husband. :)

"Be slow to speak, slow to anger, for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God." James 1:19-20

Some People Think I Sold Out

I ran into an old guy friend at the store tonight at the store. We were talking and it was brought up that I don't work. He said, "Oh, Stay at Home Mom?" I said, "Sure am." AND que the silence.

It seems like so many people think I sold out, being a Stay At Home Mom. The way I like to think of it is that I didn't BUY IN to modern views on the family structure.

Sure, I could have gone to school and got a four year degree and got a job straight out. Made good money. Been able to go on lots of vacations and have plenty of money in my savings and checking. But there was nothing else I truly wanted to do. I wanted to stay home. That is what I WANTED and STILL WANT to do. I wasn't forced into staying home so that we didn't have to pay for daycare. It isn't a guilt thing. And Jessie didn't beg me to do it. We agreed to it before we even started trying to have a Baby. And we have never strayed from that belief that that is what is best for our Family.

We have both fought for me to stay home. When Sam was younger and we were living on a lot less than we do now, there were times where we weren't able to spend a whole lot of Christmas. We couldn't go out on many dates. And you could forget going out to a nice dinner mores than a few times a year. As Jessie moves up in his line of work, that isn't much of an issue anymore. But there are times that our savings account doesn't have very much in it. We didn't have thousands of dollars put away to fix my car when the motor blew, so we had to pay on credit cards for a little while. Yes, occassionally Jessie works a weekend to get that little something extra, like a nice vacation or Christmas money. (I also do things to earn money for this sort of stuff. Generally, babysit.) And there are times we have to say, "Sorry. We can't go out to eat with you guys this weekend because we are low on money."

But it is all worth it. Every time I get to see Samantha overcome another obstacle. Every time I see her smile or have the time to just sit and watch her play. Watch Samantha slowly, slowly grow into a young lady. Being able to stop and smell the roses every day. Being able to volunteer my time, follow my passion, while also being home. I can't imagine any other life.

Plus, on a side note, being a Stay at Home Mom is my guilty pleasure. ;) I do it for Samantha, but I am also thankful that I enjoy it so much. I Love doing just about anything Susie Homemaker does! I like cleaning and baking. Cooking and crafts. Decorating for seasons and holidays. Making lesson plans. (Not sure if that one counts.) I Love the little groups and playdates in the day time, when the playgrounds and other places are empty. I like spending Beautiful days with Samantha outside and not having to wait until the end of the work day. I Love Blogging and Reading or doing a Bible Study on the couch during nap/quiet time. I Love serving my Husband. And trying my hardest to make our house into a warm home that our guests feel welcome in.

I didn't sell out. I am living my dream of serving my Family in our Home.

If we do not have family dinners, Samantha will do drugs!

This is what I always joke to Jessie, but honestly, I have a reason for saying it. Family meals are vital to family closeness. When families eat together, it is proven that they eat healthier, talk more, and have more meaningful conversations, as well as closer relationships. To this day I remember having family meals when I was small, and I truly believe that did a lot for me in my formative years. (However, it is never too late to start.)

From time to time I do research on random topics, and tonight I chose the topic of family dinners. I was appalled to say the very least on what I found tonight!

Statistics show that the average parent spends 40 minutes a day playing with their child? 40 minutes? Playing with your child? To me, that is mildly disturbing. I know that parents want to spend lots of time with their children, so what is taking the National average down so low? Is it just the way that our World is today? All the running here and there and getting things done. Why only 40 minutes? When most of us spend more than an hour a day on the Internet or reading a book?

Here are some ways that I Love to play with Samantha and also involve her in housework:

1. Board Games

2. Coloring/Drawing Together

3. Going Places-The Library, Playgrounds/Parks, Museums, or Volunteering Together

4. Playing Outside, Tending the Garden, Going For a Walk Together

5. Allowing her to assist me with Cooking, Baking, Decorating, or even Cleaning

6. When going on errands, letting her help to scan or bag items, maybe throw in some math in there, talk about all the foods we are going to make that week or month. Letting her put the debit card in the ATM or start the car.

7. Bed Time-Playing Toys in the Bath, Reading Before Bed, Drawing on the Marker Board, Talking, Praying, Singing

8. Even just watching her play, letting her know she has my full attention.

9. What makes my daughter the happiest is when she hears me say YES to something I might otherwise say NO too if we were in a hurry. "YES, we can skip down the sidewalk or hop over the cracks!" "YES, we can go look at the fish in WalMart." "YES, you can help me make this Lemonade or Laundry Detergent."

and

10. FAMILY DINNER!


I have found if we take the day slow, there are so many opportunities for her to join in even while getting things done. And those are the things that Samantha will hold on to and remember.

The second thing I found discouraging is that the average family also only spends 12 minutes per day having a meaningful conversation with their children. There are so many meaningful things to talk about! Why only 12 minutes? Does it go back to the busyness of everyday life?

Everybody has a different definition of meaningful talk, but to me, meaningful talk means beyond the "what I did today" conversation. (However, that is also important to stay connected and know what is going on in their lives. My daughter has not made it to the age where we are away from each other for long periods of time. She will be 5 this month, but she is homeschooled, so she is with me all day. However, I love to hear her tell her Daddy about her take on our day. As she grows older, I know she will be spending more and more time in groups and with her friends, and as we go our separate ways and don't talk, we will begin to drift further and further away from each other.)

Here are some ways that I have found to have a meaningful conversation: 

1. Spiritual Growth-Discussing a part of the Bible or a devotional read that day. Maybe something that happened in a small group at church. A breakthrough after a sermon.

2. Current Events-It is neat to keep up with current events, something to talk about over dinner. I don't mean anything political necessary. In fact that sort of stuff bothers me, so we generally discuss something that interests all three of us, technology.

3. Ideas/Opinions-Sharing ideas or opinion on current events, things seen throughout the day, the future, etc. 

4. Shared Knowledge/Stories-Sharing knowledge on things such as different cultures, history, art, science topics, recently read books, anything really.

5. Also, if it helps at first, purchasing a pack of Dinner Conversation Card Topics would be a great start! Here is something that might be on a card for older children:

Questions for discussion:
* How do solar panels save energy?
* Would you consider using solar panels for your home?
* What are some ways you can conserve energy around the house?

I would like to end on a positive note to encourage families who don't already eat frequent family dinners together to do so, and here is why. Studies show that:

• The entire family structure is healthier overall and children feel much closer to their parents. 
• 
  
• Teens are less likely to engage in rebellious behaviors such as drugs, drinking, smoking, and sexual activity. 
•  
• Kids and teens also seem to have fewer emotional or behavioral problems. 
•  
• Kids who eat dinners with their parents maintain a healthier weight.
•  
• The entire family practices healthier eating habits.
• 
  
• Everybody has the chance to engage in meaningful, uninterrupted conversation.

*Note: Family dinner outcomes are more effective when the TV and other electronics are off or on silent. Family dinner for us means sitting down to a made table, with a healthy, homemade meal, and eating/talking for at least 45 minutes-1 hour.

*Last Note: Our family does a lot of running at nights between extra curriculars, Bible Studies, etc. at least 2 nights a week. So to offset the time needed to cook after getting back from whatever activity, crockpot meals are the answer for us. Chili, Stews, Soups, Lasagna. There are so many possibilities. It saves money and is much healthier. It also allows us to gather back around the table and chat about the day after a busy night.
 Sources:

This is a good site that tells how to connect at mealtime, before, during, and after:

http://www.aboutourkids.org/articles/family_meals_matter%E2%80%94staying_connected

http://thefamilydinnerbook.com/

http://www.today.com/moms/back-basics-why-family-dinners-matter-8C11037673